Feeling picked on 

Do you sometimes feel picked on or victimised. Do things always seem to happen to you that feel out of your control or against your own desires or wishes. Perhaps you feel a bit like a doormat because people seem to trample on your feelings or do not appreciate your efforts.

It is worth rememering that you are in charge of how others treat you or behave towards you. Not only with what you are prepared to put up with or tolerate but also about how you feel about yourself and others. It may feel like you are not able to control the way that you are treated but this is simply not true. If you feel overwhelmed by others behaviour or you have allowed yourself to get into a situation whereby you feel victimised or mistreated it may be beneficial for you to deal with your victim emotion. Be warned this emotion enjoys being a victim and will go to great lengths to convince you that it is not your fault and that you are the innocent and downtrodden victim of others behaviours. Whilst others may well have their own emotional issues, which are resulting in negative behaviour towards you, rest assured you will feel much less like putting up with their behaviour at your own expense once you have examined your own victim emotion.

You are not in control, and should not seek to control, others behaviour. What you are in control of is how you decide to respond to it. You can’t stop someone from shouting in your face but you can make a decision not to see them again, or to explain to them why you find that behaviour unacceptable. Sometimes people can end up putting themselves in similar situations or relationships repetitively until they really examine this emotion, its feelings and beliefs. Unconsciously you can even encourage other people to behave in a way that feeds into your victim emotion for example in relationships you can seemingly put others into a position of power over you by making them responsible for you, becoming subservient to them or pushing their buttons so they become more forceful or aggressive towards you. This is because your victim emotion actually feels safer when it knows its boundaries and understands its limitations.

Take ownership of the decisions that you have made and question why you have made them. Be honest with yourself and even though the affects of the decisions you have taken, and the actions that others have bestowed upon you, may have resulted in some feelings that will need to be worked through, don’t identify yourself as a victim. You are not this emotion, this emotion is just a part of you.

As an adult you are always in control of how others treat you because only you can set the boundaries and perimeters of what you feel or believe is acceptable. You should really only allow others to treat you in a way you feel it would be appropriate to behave towards them. In the past you may have allowed others to treat you badly because you did not know any better, or because you were young and they took advantage of being in a position of power or authority over you. There is nothing to be gained in getting annoyed or upset with yourself for things that have happened in the past.  Give your victim a voice, listen to what it thinks and feels so that you can address the deeper issues within you from a place of love, compassion and understanding.

You may harbour resentment, anger, sadness and pain from events or experiences that have happed in the past, which may trigger your victim emotion in the present.  If you work through these emotions and feelings you will understand why you are triggered, how it makes you feel and behave and ultimately you will not revert into negative behaviours when your victim emotion is triggered.

Feeling and behaving like a victim is damaging to your self-esteem and wellbeing. It can cause anxiety and depression and make you feel less than others. It can also lead you to get into further situations whereby you are behaving negatively towards yourself or allowing others to behave negatively towards you.