We are all perfect in this moment just as we are without any need to change or improve ourselves. In our essence we, and in fact everything in our universe, are all made of the same materials. Perfect little atoms of energy spinning and vibrating. At our core we are all perfect energetic beings. Our emotions and beliefs can confuse us and cause us to see ourselves in a distorted way. We can focus on negative feelings, make judgements about ourselves and others and loose sight of our true nature. Try to see yourself as a perfect being, sure you have some negative emotions and feelings to resolve but in your essence you are perfect just as you are. Now try to change the way you see others, they are just the same as you, perfect beings but with some emotions and beliefs that can distort the way that you see them and how they see themselves.
“We are not figuratively, but literally stardust.”
Neil deGrasse Tyson
When we set ourselves a benchmark or target of how we think we should be. How skinny, how attractive, how smart, how rich, how important, how good, how happy. We are really buying into an impossible expectation of ourselves that we will never reach. Even if we change or adapt ourselves to meet this goal we will simply find something else about ourselves that needs to improve.
When we judge ourselves or others in this way we are coming from an emotion. Sometimes our judgements may be followed with a punishment which may take the form of thinking unkind thoughts about ourselves or self destructive behaviours.
If you find you are comparing yourself to others, either negatively or positively, buying into other peoples negative comments about yourself or doling out negative comments about others you can be sure that this behaviour has been driven by an emotion. Perhaps a need to feel superior or special is hiding a feeling of not being good enough or maybe you have a belief that you are not as good as others based on what you were told when you were younger. When you feel the emotion of judgement arriving take the time to examine what it is made of, where it comes from and what beliefs it has about yourself and others.
When you make judgements about yourself and others ask yourself if this judgement is coming from a place of clarity and love or is your judgement clouded by negative thoughts or feelings. Are you really just trying to avoid feeling bad about yourself, or sad about something that deep down you believe is true.
Are you seeing yourself as a perfect being or are you buying into a set of false beliefs about what gives you worth or value. Would you love the important people in your life less if they were fatter, thinner, richer or smarter. If not then judge yourself by the same standards you extend to others. If the love you give to others is conditional on them meeting your expectations then question why your love is not given unconditionally, what does this say about how you value yourself and others. What emotions are getting in the way of seeing yourself and others clearly?
For example before you embark on a regime of self improvement ask yourself where the need to improve is coming from. Is it coming from a judgement that you are making about yourself. If you feel like eating more healthy so that you can improve your fitness level and enable your body to function better that’s great. However, if you are putting yourself on a diet because you dislike yourself or have judged yourself as too fat then first clear your emotional response to feeling fat and then eat healthily from a place of clarity. You will then enjoy the food that you are eating as you are doing it to become healthier and to nourish your body. You will love how it feels to eat the food that you have prepared for yourself. If you do it simply because your emotion tells you that you are fat and that because you are fat you are worth less than others no matter how hard you try you will fail because even if you loose weight your emotion will just give you another reason to judge yourself harshly. If you don’t live up to the impossible expectations that you have set for yourself you may punish yourself by telling yourself you are fatter than ever, or even eating foods that are bad for you to prove to yourself that you are fat and worthless.
Break the cycle of judge and punisher by examining the emotions that are causing you to feel bad about yourself and understanding them. Check where the need to change or improve yourself comes from. Those negative thoughts that you have about yourself are coming from an emotion or a set of emotions. Minimise how unhappy you feel about yourself by recognising these emotions and working through the beliefs that manifest them and the feelings that they promote within you.
The emotion that judges ourselves and others is often made up of a series of beliefs that we have learned throughout our life experience. Such as how we have been taught to compare others based on looks, money, jobs etc. Once you free yourself of these limiting beliefs and start seeing everyone as being equal and having the same value, not more and not less you will start to truly value yourself and your actions and behaviours will not be governed by negativity.
A judgement that we have made about ourselves can sometimes be followed by another emotion called punisher. This emotion is very self-destructive as it likes to punish us for whatever it feels we have failed at and of course the odds are always set against us like an awful game we cannot win. Don’t allow yourself to swing between judge and punisher. If you find you have been judging yourself and or others it is enough to recognise the emotion. There is no need to compound the situation by recriminating yourself for it.